Thursday, September 20, 2012
I can't think of a single reason why I should be a surgeon, but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose... there are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it's more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away. I could quit but here's the thing, I love the playing field.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
A MAN I CAN LOVE:)
I want a man I can love. A man whose love for me Was decreed by our Lord above. I want a man I can trust, A man who I’ll want to respect and honour, Not because I ‘must’, Or because obedience to him Was upon me thrust, But because he respects me And honours me, And deals with people in a way that is just. And because, above all that, He respects and honours the Words of our Master, And this will make my heart beat a little faster. I want a man I can learn with, Someone to hold hands with. Let the man To whom I’ll give my hand Be a man I can laugh with. I want the little things, And from this, Love begins. And with it, Rahma and Mahabba From our Lord it brings. I want a man who will lead me, A man who will accept me. One who will guide me, Protect me, And lovingly correct me. I want a man who makes mistakes sometimes And is willing to take some time To admit when he is wrong. One who doesn’t always try to be strong All on his own, But allows me to come along, Stand by his side, And be his partner, Lifelong. He should be a man with a beard—Now wait, I know you might think that’s a little weird, But, even though I want a man who will love me, I want him to love our Prophet SallAllahu ‘alayhi wa Sallam More than he does me. I want that love to show on him, In the way that he dresses, And the way that he moves. The way that he loves me, And the choices he may choose. It should be the means by which Our life together improves. I want a man I can grow with, Someone I can sow with The seeds of our trees In the Gardens of Jannah. I want to fall in love. Just once, just him. Forever and ever.
Ameen.
Ameen.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
A Surgeon at Night
From Academic MedicineAuthors and DisclosuresJeffrey J. Dehmer, MD
Posted: 02/06/2012; Academic Medicine. 2012;87(1):73 © 2012 Lippincott Williams & Wilkins
- Abstract and Introduction
Abstract and Introduction
Introduction
Like many important lessons in surgery, this one came at night. Hospitals change when the sun goes down—mere survival becomes paramount. Particularly early in training, we learn who we are as doctors at night. The feelings of fear and confidence meld together. Unlike in the operating room, rarely is anyone looking over your shoulder at night. During the day, we present our best selves to our colleagues and patients. At night, though, we are tired and often our defenses are worn down.
Typically, we review labs and radiology studies prior to seeing the patient because it's more efficient. However, the emotional side effect is detachment. The patient becomes a sick colon that we'll have to remove. As residents, we rationalize our reactions because this practice optimizes the time that we spend on each consult. With so many patients to see and only 80 hours a week to do so, every second counts. The need is even more acute at night; we just try to stay afloat until our replacements arrive at 6 am.
One night, I was paged about a female patient reported to have the most holy and coveted of all nontraumatic surgical diagnoses—an acute abdomen. I rushed to review her CT scan, searching for any indication that surgery was necessary. Like a shark who smells blood, I was following the trail that led straight to the OR.
The case seemed innocuous enough. From her CT, the patient looked frail—not terribly young or healthy even before her most recent intestinal insult. Her internal organs all showed the signs of age. I felt so smart after my computer biopsy—ready to go forth and operate. She was another sick colon to me, one of many in a steady stream of cutting, dissecting, sewing, and ultimately learning.
The attending came in to see the patient. She is the type of physician who I would want taking care of my mother's, my wife's, even my own, sick colon. She simply talked to the patient. And I listened. The patient lived alone, albeit with much help from family and friends, so she was unwilling to do anything that would compromise her independence. Admittedly, when I saw her labs, CT scan, and finally her in person, I immediately thought, "nursing home." After talking to her, we chose not to operate. I never found out the details of what happened to her after that, an underappreciated side effect of night rotations. However, I do know that staying out of the OR was the right decision that night.
So much of our training seems diametrically opposed to restraint, to knowing when to stop. At times, it even appears at odds with rational thought. The gray area between the appendectomy and the Whipple, the gunshot wound to the abdomen and the aortic dissection, is where we learn how to be doctors. Those brief moments sitting on the bed and listening are what patients remember. They don't see the quality of an anastomosis or the empty right-upper quadrant anxious to receive a new liver. They see and hear and feel who we are as people when we talk to them and, more important, when we listen to them. At night, as the frenetic pace of the day slows, everyone— patients, families, physicians—realizes the toll that the day has taken. I learned that sometimes we all need to simply sit down and listen. It may be the best medicine.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
solat!
True story told By Shaykh “Abdul Mohsen al Ahmad”, it happened in Abha (the capital of Asir province in Saudi Arabia)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After performing salat A Maghrib, she put her make up, wore her beautiful white dress and preparing herself for her wedding party. Then she heard the Adhan of ‘Ishaa and she realized that she broke her wudu’. She told her mother “Mother, I have to go to make wudu’ and pray ‘Ishaa.” Her mother was shocked: “Are you crazy?!! Guest are waiting for you, to see you! What about youe make up? It will be washed away by water!” Then she added ” I am your mother and I order you not to perform Salah now! Wallahi if you make wudu’ now, I will be angry at you”. Her daughter replied: “Wallahi I won’t go our from here till I perform my Salah. Mother you must know that there is no obedience to any creature in disobedience to the Creator.” Her mother said: “What would guests say about you when you’ll show up in your wedding party without make up? And they will make fun of you.” The daughter asked with a smile: “Are you worried because I won’t be beautiful in the eyes of creations? What about my creator? I am worried because, if I miss my Salah, I won’t be beautiful in His eyes.” She started to make wudu’ and all her make up was washed away, but she didn’t care. Then she began her Salah and at the moment she bowed down to make sujud, she didn’t realize that it will be her last one.
Yes! She died while in sujud.
What a great ending for Muslimah who insisted on obeying her Lord. Many people who heard her story were so touched. She put Him and His obedience first in her priorities, so He granted her the best ending that any Muslim would have. She wanted to be closer to Him, so He took her soul in the place where Muslim are the closest to Him.
SubhanaAllah!
She didn’t care if she would be beautiful in the eyes of creatures so she was beautiful in the eyes of her Creator.
Imagine if you are in her place..what will you do? What will you choose?
Pleasing creations or your Creator?
Do you guarantee that you will live for the next minutes? hours? months? No one knows when their hour will come or when they meet Angels of Death. So are you ready for that moment?
What do you choose:
Pleasing yourself by non wearing hijab or your Lord? Are you ready to meet Him without hijab? And what about you, sister who are “in relationship” or “open relationship”? Are you ready to meet your Lord today? Tomorrow? What do you choose pleasures of this Dunya or pleasures of Akhirah?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May Allah guide us all to what pleases Him and grant everyone who is reading these lines good ending.
Ameen Ya Rabbul Alameen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After performing salat A Maghrib, she put her make up, wore her beautiful white dress and preparing herself for her wedding party. Then she heard the Adhan of ‘Ishaa and she realized that she broke her wudu’. She told her mother “Mother, I have to go to make wudu’ and pray ‘Ishaa.” Her mother was shocked: “Are you crazy?!! Guest are waiting for you, to see you! What about youe make up? It will be washed away by water!” Then she added ” I am your mother and I order you not to perform Salah now! Wallahi if you make wudu’ now, I will be angry at you”. Her daughter replied: “Wallahi I won’t go our from here till I perform my Salah. Mother you must know that there is no obedience to any creature in disobedience to the Creator.” Her mother said: “What would guests say about you when you’ll show up in your wedding party without make up? And they will make fun of you.” The daughter asked with a smile: “Are you worried because I won’t be beautiful in the eyes of creations? What about my creator? I am worried because, if I miss my Salah, I won’t be beautiful in His eyes.” She started to make wudu’ and all her make up was washed away, but she didn’t care. Then she began her Salah and at the moment she bowed down to make sujud, she didn’t realize that it will be her last one.
Yes! She died while in sujud.
What a great ending for Muslimah who insisted on obeying her Lord. Many people who heard her story were so touched. She put Him and His obedience first in her priorities, so He granted her the best ending that any Muslim would have. She wanted to be closer to Him, so He took her soul in the place where Muslim are the closest to Him.
SubhanaAllah!
She didn’t care if she would be beautiful in the eyes of creatures so she was beautiful in the eyes of her Creator.
Imagine if you are in her place..what will you do? What will you choose?
Pleasing creations or your Creator?
Do you guarantee that you will live for the next minutes? hours? months? No one knows when their hour will come or when they meet Angels of Death. So are you ready for that moment?
What do you choose:
Pleasing yourself by non wearing hijab or your Lord? Are you ready to meet Him without hijab? And what about you, sister who are “in relationship” or “open relationship”? Are you ready to meet your Lord today? Tomorrow? What do you choose pleasures of this Dunya or pleasures of Akhirah?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May Allah guide us all to what pleases Him and grant everyone who is reading these lines good ending.
Ameen Ya Rabbul Alameen.
Monday, January 30, 2012
~
Many couples express their love by saying "I'll be with you until death do us part", but for Muslims it's even more beautiful to say "not even death will part us, because we will be reunited in Jannah, insha'Allah"
Friday, December 2, 2011
My dream guy...
I want to live with a guy who could guide me, so that I can get closer to My Creator. I want a man who can lead as an Imam, in every prayers that we’re gonna do together as married couple. A man who would tell Islamic history as a bed-time-stories to our children in the future. I want a man who’ll read the holly Quran to me, to cheer me every time I’m down. That is my dream guy and before I can meet him, I knew I need to fix myself first.
Dear Future Husband, Assalaamu alaykum
I don't want to be your girlfriend. I just want to be the one you call your wife. Your presence will give me happiness.U’ll be my halal prince charming.
Riding your horse of Taqwa. Holding onto the noble Qur'aan and the Sunnah of our beloved and blessed Rasool'Allah sal'Allahu alaiyhi wasallam in your right hand. I hear you’re worth the wait, so I'll wait Insha ALLAH.
My heart belongs to no one in this Dunyaa, I just thought I should let you know. It belongs to ALLAH subhanahu wa ta'aala and only Him. You'll have to get lost in Him and the beauty of Islam to find me and even then you'll still have to rightfully become a part of my heart.
Only through Him subhanahu wa ta'aala.
What I'm trying to say is that WE have to devote our lives and heart to Allah subhanahu wa ta'aala and his beautiful beloved Muhammad salAllahu alaiyhi wasallam in order to find each other.
I hope you’re up for the journey.
I know I am! ♥
I don't want to be your girlfriend. I just want to be the one you call your wife. Your presence will give me happiness.U’ll be my halal prince charming.
Riding your horse of Taqwa. Holding onto the noble Qur'aan and the Sunnah of our beloved and blessed Rasool'Allah sal'Allahu alaiyhi wasallam in your right hand. I hear you’re worth the wait, so I'll wait Insha ALLAH.
My heart belongs to no one in this Dunyaa, I just thought I should let you know. It belongs to ALLAH subhanahu wa ta'aala and only Him. You'll have to get lost in Him and the beauty of Islam to find me and even then you'll still have to rightfully become a part of my heart.
Only through Him subhanahu wa ta'aala.
What I'm trying to say is that WE have to devote our lives and heart to Allah subhanahu wa ta'aala and his beautiful beloved Muhammad salAllahu alaiyhi wasallam in order to find each other.
I hope you’re up for the journey.
I know I am! ♥
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
heart matters
the moment when you like someone,
and you can't tell your closest friend about him,
or talk about him openly,
that moment is hard,
and i said that because I knew.
it's not you are not being sincere with your friends,
but sometimes we just have to keep it to ourselves.
because most of the time I don't even know my own feelings.
and you can't tell your closest friend about him,
or talk about him openly,
that moment is hard,
and i said that because I knew.
it's not you are not being sincere with your friends,
but sometimes we just have to keep it to ourselves.
because most of the time I don't even know my own feelings.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
A Dream Of Muslimah
I remember it was winter in England and I was catching a train back to the city where I lived. It was cold, I looked out, White snow was falling lightly from the gloomy sky. The train was moving fast, and as it moved I could see grounds in white all covered up by snow. ‘Covered up?’ the word rang in my head. Images of hijab and headscarf flashes on my mind.
For the two hours journey, I couldnt sleep even once. There was too much on my mind. I was born as a Muslim. And I didn‘t pray five times a day like everybody else. I hardly could read the Quran. People could say I was illiterate in a way. Because at times, it took me a long while to finish even a short verse from the Quran. It was in Arabic and I was never taught Arabic, that was my excuse of not reading. I thought as long as you have a good heart that‘s good enough. And if you don’t commit huge sins, you’ll be fine. But what she said, made my whole perspective looked, vain.
I was from London and on my way back home to the North West region. My heart wasn’t at ease. What she said had made me thinking, and I was thinking real hard. She was a nice girl. ‘Be a true Muslim, and not just a Muslim by name,’ she said politely with a smile, but the meaning was intense. She was merely quoting and was not saying it to me but my heart was touched. What kind of Muslim, had I been all these while? I don’t want to be a Muslim and only by name. It doesn’t sound good either. As the train moved, heading to North West where I lived, I let out few sighs.
Few months after later.. ‘Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim..,’ I read out loud before starting to read the Quran. My web-cam was on. That night We were in the middle of Quranic circle. It’s an activity that we do once a week. Through this circle, we read the Quran in turns. All were ladies. Sometimes we get to discussed about the meaning behind the Quran verses and some Hadith from Rasulullah. It was amazingly fun and I never thought I would actually had fun doing religious activity. I was very thankful to Siti and her older sister because now I can read the Quran much better. And since then, I keep on gradually changing, I realised. How I view life has changed too, a bit if not much.
At nights before I slept, I thought of going to a place. Somewhere faraway and seemed hard to reach but I knew its reachable. And if possible, I wanted to go there with someone that I loved. Of course that’s still remain as a wish and I hope it’ll come true one day. My life is never this calm! I now wear headscarf everywhere I go.
It doesn’t feel right without it. Sometimes that leads to guilt, when people sees my hair. So I wear headscarf whenever I go out. My social activity especially when interacting with men has also changed. I used to be friendly and outgoing, even with the opposite gender. Now I feel sort of afraid. Sometimes I limit myself from being too ‘friendly’ with men. Sometimes, I think twice before I talked to them. Is it necessary or not to talk now? Because Women can be a fitnah to men, I don’t want to build up sins.
I used to look for a romantic boyfriend before. I searched high and low but funny that I never really had a boyfriend until now. I used to ask why? The question is why. Because I’m not unpretty. But now I understand the reason behind. Having a romantic relationship outside marriage can lead to something that breaks the law of Syariah.
All praise to Allah, I’m glad I never had boyfriends before. I’m not worried if I don’t find a guy any sooner. I’m not looking for a relationship anymore. And definitely not looking for someone based on how romantic he is. I’m going with the flow, after all everything about humans has been written. I want to fix myself first.
I read somewhere about ‘Mencintai kerana Allah’ or ’Loving you because of God’. It was a nice Malay blog entry. I am aiming for that kind of love now. It sounds more pure than romantic love, to me.
‘What’s your dream guy like?’ a friend asked me one day while we ride on a taxi.
I didn’t replied him immediately though, ‘and have you found him?’ he added quickly.
‘Why do you want to know’ I politely asked with a smile.
‘Well, only asking,’ he replied calmly. Then there were silent. The road was wet due to the rain. It was soon before the taxi reached my home.
‘Was he like me?’ he then added. He was hinting something, I knew. I’ve been waiting for this moment all this year. And this could be a dream come true, but..
‘My dream guy is,’ I began ‘Someone who can guide me, you know, he leads and I follow,’ Then I paused.
‘I can be the guy,’ He said confidently.
There was silence again, a long one. The taxi finally reached my home. I said goodbyes to him and walked to my front door. I wave before the taxi accelerated again. He smiled to me even though I didn’t gave him the answer. He was a nice guy but he couldn‘t be the guy. Because…
I want to live with a guy who could guide me, so that I can get closer to My Creator. I want a man who can lead as an Imam, in every prayers that we’re gonna do together as married couple. A man who would tell Islamic history as a bed-time-stories to our children in the future. I want a man who’ll read the holly Quran to me, to cheer me every time I’m down. That is my dream guy and before I can meet him, I knew I need to fix myself first.
One beautiful spring afternoon, I was at a function. There were many Malays all gathered. That’s when I met him. He’s not just decent but he has the characteristic of my dream guy. Every time our eyes met accidentally during the event, he quickly moved away his stare. That convinced me, even more.
I knew he’ll be a good amir, a leader of a family. Secretly I prayed: O‘ Allah, I want that kind of guy as a partner in life. At nights before I slept, I thought of going to a place. Somewhere faraway and seemed hard to reach but I knew its reachable. And if possible, I wanted to go there with someone that I loved. I want to go to Jannah (the heaven) with him! I’ll wait here and I know the wait is worthy.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
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